i love life


i am a hopeless romantic and one bad date away from being cynical. i am a sucker for the written word. i love robert jordan, as much as that performance artist lady gaga or that crackwhore amy winehouse. i like reality shows and every tv show which exploits drama. I love TYRA, with her narcissism and her smize..i curse, weep and howl. i hate dumb people, and yet i think i am dumb most of the time. i am a drama queen, but i also smile the sweetest of smiles and bellow ear-shattering laughters. i frown at incompetence but screams for pleasure. i squirm when bored and squirm when tittilated. i am a connoisseur of visual and aural feasts--of all things ethereal and sublime ; ghastly and profane; a sense of aesthetics is my best friend, i like latex and pvc. i am a friend. a confidant. a lover. a mistress. a doting girlfriend. i am a creature who enjoys pigging-out on her favorite food in silence while watching crappy reality shows,then feels guilty after. i am butter melting deliciously on your tongue. i am narcissistic and extremely vain.a camera-whore who flirts with the lens on like, a regular basis. i am edward-smitten;and chris evan too.and everyday i adore a different man. i live in the present, and pop culture is my religion;i am always politically correct, but i think political correctness leads us to think like a herd, i dont think its a fault of people to think differently from mine, until we take the time to make a difference, but i take maliscious happiness in the misery of others and i religiously read perezhilton and tmz for my favorite celebrity like britney and others, and i secretly wish that lindsay will fuck it up , drink and sound the scram bracelet once more and be thrown in jail... . i am sometimes, laid back, i start and have no follow through like this blog which i have forgotten so many times. i am a person with so many gifts, and i feel like i owe it to myself to write my experiences, because i have been gifted with so much and i need to share it to the world,
.i kick myself when i fail, i hug myself when i succeed. i dare to live in waking dreams. i am a bit of a tragedy and a resounding success. i am beauty and ugliness. i love my body because its strong and i hate it because its strong. i always wish to be thinner, but i always wish to be healthier. i am a walking irony. i am dominant , but passive-aggressive. i am sane and crazy. i am happy and sad. i am shadow and light. agony and ecstasy. cold as ice. hot as fire. ..take a deep breathe
love me or hate me.
i am wholistic and i am real.
i am far from perfect.

cage me up

cage me up

Saturday, August 7, 2010

THE FRENCH CONNECTION

*funny
im mostly dominant, a very good dominatrix is what they say.
but if im confronted with a very handsome, well toned, hung, young and horny submissive, i cant help myself loose focus and become a girl.
* this guy- a very submissive french engineer (lets say 26), sharply dressed( and i can just see the fabric of his clothes melting to his body.) and honestly looks like an actor...
and im thinking, this GUY would do everything i tell him to do. ** got giddy with excitement
so i got him naked, prance around, with that cute little butt, and that 8 inch cock flapping in the air....let him bend over, step on his back and spanked him at least 30 times. he screams for mercy and begs for more:)
i cant believe my luck...iput a leash on him like a dog and let him crawl towards me to let him lick my boots...up up up towards my erection.
and oh lala, i love subs who are hungry for their mistress cock...
its not hard to get turned on when my slave is a BOYTOY. just looking at those puppy dog eyes, begging for more...
before i tied him up, i put him on my lap, and spanked him some more, and i can just feel his throbbing cock pressing against me...
and as usual, i cant help myself...so i decided to tie him up....with both his hands and feet pressed to his chest...its complicated, but his legs are spread open, and his butthole is there for the taking.
i made sure i sit on his face first...alternating my cock and asshole on his waiting mouth.
and then i proceed to play with his ass....putting dildos after dildos (from small to large) to open him up....
and when he is ready, i slowly slide up my hard cock to his gaping hole, all the while begging for me to enter him...
its like fucking a ball of flesh, as he is totally incapacitated. he can only whimper and moan, as i slowly thrust in and out my cock....
and then when im near, i pushed with all my might inside him, and pump my warm load.
:)
and after i finish i untie him so he can relieve himself by fucking my boots....

-- i took a photo of his cock and butt -- all i can is , i wish every sub is like this.
no need to force the eroticism of the session

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

*munch munch


so im slowly creeping in the market again, i guess a comeback is eminent, and by the welcome i received i would say ...it is quite succesful.
what i know now, is that going away for a year, gave me a better perspective and appreciation, of the adulation and developed a new passion for the job.
i have received sms and call mostly from people i know...
kinky swiss. my mr oriental. etc ( everyone knows who they are)
im like a common denominator for BDSM people... well, thats good for me( i think)
although expectations are hard to meet sometime.
i am still loosing the baby weight from the year long vacation...:) but i guess i look younger now and everybody says im cute as a button ( not good when you are a dominatrix)...
but im almost fully booked, and i definitely have a time for my errands( shopping shopping and more shopping)
but i decided to stay away from chicken rice and nasi lemak! i have to avoid carbs!
damn singapore, why does everything have to be so good.
and to anyone who is reading this... I am now staying in a 3 star hotel in bencoleen. My boutique hotel in chinatown is under renovation. sucks!
but i guess i shoudnt be bitching about it, becaue I am still in the central business district and quite close to BUGIS.
Being near malls and kopi tiam is a curse though i think. I like living in chinatown, its a bit more quaint.
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS... i acquired this super HOT leather corsettes, both black and red.
And I have been wearing them like crazy.
I would wear them with jeans if it isnt too hot in singapore.... but I will also look freakin crazy wearing it out.
Anyway... SINGAPORE is growing on me again.

i just want to have a special shoutout to MR M...
the man who never left.... people always say they support you, and that they care for you. but sometimes, we need real people, who really genuinely help. and i just owe him so much:) bringing me back to my sanity ( and sing)....kiss kiss

oh wow...another CALL... i wonder what his requests would be

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

THE MEZA NINE ...


i finally had my first real date after a long while...going to a restaurant with a television, doesnt count as a date.
i spent most of that day shopping, and because I have been gone for a year, its my first time to enter ION mall. I took the train from BUGIS and discovered a new MECCA of shopping experience. I think my jaw dropped when I saw that all the shops I want are finally in one BIG mall. i got lost so many times, but i didnt mind. every corner is always a surprise.
Im like the girl from Confessions of a SHopaholic, because I think manequins call me to come in to these beautiful stores. well, maybe im just trying to reason why i enter shops....But as I discovered, I can only stay in the basement area (B1 , B2) , because once you reach the ground floor... its all high end, like Valentino, Dianne Von Furstenberg, etc...soon ...sooon ... soon...
as of now, I will stick to places like BEBE, ZARA and MANGO.... I am still paying off my credit cards, after going on hiatus for a year, I racked up a lot of debt:(
anyway, I made the date as an excuse to shop and was aiming to be shoe specific.
but i guess, the great singapore sale, just wont allow me to do that.
i ended up buying outfit choices, accessories, make up, lingerie... HMMMN.. there goes the money I was suppose to send home.
and i got almost enchanted (again) by these cute guys with blue eyes, trying to sell me nail products. never again.
anyway, i am really a bit nervous about this date...because he is someone i know for many years. a rollercoaster kind of relationship.
i chose a gladiator 5 inch heels, a tight black top and a cotton figure hugging pencil skirt, and spent two hours on making my make up natural ( and to make me look at least seven years younger)
all the effort was worth it coz his expression was priceless( still got it)--thank you visa--
and was rewarded by a nice necklace...yay! another jewelry( take note cheapskates)
we went to meza nine for dinner, and its as good as I remember.
they dont have the bald italian guy as the front of the house anymore though...
hes been promoted, he usually sends me a glass of champagne.
it definitely is a fun dinner...lots of kisses, batting of eyelashes and GOOD FOOD.
i was so hungry and was tempted to wolf down my pork chop, but since I am a "lady" for the night, i try to eat little bites..:)
we pounded the wine hard though. its my faaavorite wine. Cloudy Bay Sauvignon BLANC from new zealand. I like my wine white and a bit acidic. RED wine usually gives me tummy ache. ALL in all we finished three bottles between the two of us.( yes i know, i am almost borderline alcoholic--hehehe)
we closed the restaurant, and i was definitely drunk.
we went to clarke quay and drank some more....( big mistake)
i know we were drank because we bought those shirts that lights up, like a care bear( no one will get this reference, im so old)



and before i know it, (i dont remember this part anymore)
we went to kopi tiam and bought some food, and bought more wine and took it to my room...
we spent these last hazy moments kissing, and trying to get hard...
making out feels good, but a bit lazy, NO?
but i think we drank too much. i fell asleep watching FAMILY GUY...
oh stewie you crack me up
and when I woke up, I found my meza nine dinner all over the TUB...
I barfed? i cant even remember it. ( he said he saw it and cleaned some of it up)
(*screaming in my head* NOOOOOOOO)
so theres goes the glamorous nite...i cant believe he didnt even see my new lingerie.
damn it. save it for another night.
shout out to mistah meerkat

you are such a lovely date... next time, sex first before the wine

Saturday, July 24, 2010

the kinky swiss and the kinky wish



and so i started smsing people I have known for a long time.
one of the first people i contacted is mr swiss( by the way, i always ask for permission) before i post their stories)
and the next few posts of this will be raunchy..coz i plan to post pics :)
do they delete super graphic blogs?
I hope not.
anyway, back to the swiss.
Ive known him for a very long time ( seven years)...so ive known him since i was seventeen ( add that to my age-- yes im 24)....hehe
hes getting kinkier i think
usually, he loves a lot of wet kisses and a little bit of BDSM...
he loves seeing me in sexy, skimpy clothes and boots...
and he always love to have my tank full...
the worst we have done, is get into an orgy with two chinese women.
of course i did it for him...and my cock always go limp when the women starts touching it....
so now, we are "scheduled" to meet tonite
but im having second thoughts.
his wife is away, and he is babysitting his two young kids
so he wants to do it in his wife's bed, while his two kids are on the other room..
and the maid of course, asleep...
the act of being caught makes him crazy horny
but the possibility of it is close to giving me a heart attack
normally, i will veer away from this kind of situation...
i cant stop making my heels making sounds, and i will never go barefoot, its not sexy
i like the guy...but it seems to much...and seeing the house will give me a reality check that he is a married man..and im walking on dangerous waters.
he promised champagne though, so maybe alcohol will help..
well, im off to drink my vodka tonic...i need to start if ever im going to do this.
KARMA, heres two bucks...please get away from me for a bit

wish me luck

xoxo

vanessa

the singapore SUPERNOVA




i think its quite a moral boost...
I just posted an ad, saying (i just arrived, and)im exclusively meeting for fetish and suddenly I am bombarded with so many calls and sms from dear friends, confidants and my stable of slaves who has been seeking the "lifestyle" i provided.
Well, at least this way, I know I have left my mark, and have many branded. Im severely missed


Singapore is as good as I remember.
I have been spending all the money I dont have on Things I think I need.
Singapore sale is a bane to my existence and my credit cards( that reminds me, i need to start paying up:()
I set a goal. SAY TODAY. Its shoe specific, then suddenly I will pass a fuckin sex shop, offering the smell of leather and laced ribs breaking corsette.
How can a kinky girl resist.
I satisfied myself with the black pin up faux leather corsette and a peep toe fuck me stilletoes.
....
I love walking around BUGIS AREA....well, since my OLD niche, the lovely boutique hotel in CHINATOWN is currently under maintenance, I am living in a NIIIICE ( is it 3 or 5 star ) hotel in Bencoleen. So if anyone wants to see me strut in the tiniest skirt. Just give me a hollah.
A very very nice man has provided me a nice place to live and to play....
He usually comes at night, and see me in different costumes, and I usually send him KINKY sms during the day...
HMMMn....
But yesterday, I walked around CHINATOWN, and I am reminded why I love walking around the area. So many backpackers, looking for cheap buys. YOUNG, succulent, an d horny, with tan that wont quit and lithe muscles that I want to LICK.
OH dear...HELP ME GOD( blasphemY@!@)
Am I rambling again.
And today, I settled on shopping at cotton on, for some comfortable tiny clothes, I forgot singapore is so hot, and I really need a comfortable pair of shoes.
I brought only boots and gladiator fuck me 5 inch heels....definitely not for walking.
But im fully booked for dates till the next week.

oh singapore how i missed you


and this time I will post my adventures and " KINKY frolics"

....
kisses* checks on nail polish*

Monday, June 14, 2010

the elephant in the room

--someone needs to read this and maybe he will understand a little bit better.

i first started this blog last 2007, i STARTED IT out of boredom , and to make my "advertisement" a little bit more personal. its never a super personal thing that narrates everything in my life.
i have always been someone who loved life.
i love shopping, i love dating, i love fine dining and i love enjoying what i have.
this is what i usually write.
i wrote a lot of my frolics, but never the most important things to me which i kept to myself.
i am in a relationship with someone.....
and i never post about us, because it is something that I only share with my friends and family.
its a personal thing i keep to myself.
but you read this and you got hurt. i deleted a lot of what i wrote and stopped writing.
the only unfair thing about this, is that you knew me before you went out with me.
we dont talk about a lot of things and i think it became like an elephant in the room.
i know the mistakes i made. i know the mistakes you make.
but im not a wasp. and i dont want to stay quiet about what is missing.
and i know when you point out my mistake I usually attack too.
story of our dates.
what is so difficult is that i have laid my cards on the table.
i know what i want. i am willing to stop and become a real couple.
i am always asked to wait and i did.
there is always a catch 22.
but i am like anyone else, i make mistakes.
i have needs. and i have my struggles
and slowly the relationship degraded, but we both try to keep it going.
i went through something extremely personal.
and all i was wishing for, was something to save me from myself.
i know i shut you down and i made so many mistakes along the way.
a lot of people has bailed on me. i know people made effort to make me understand how important i am to them.
but i guess i was trying to grab a life preserve because i was drowning.
and i needed more than just a kind word to save me. someone saying that they are there.

i needed something concrete in my life to sorround me to keep me from crumbling.
its very difficult especially if you care for someone and they keep on judging you, but they dont know the whole story.
and they dont know that what they say can destroy you and hurt you so much.
i remember us chatting lately and i said " im trying to look for people who are really there for me"
realistically, we are not in a relationship...honestly, where are we...a gray area again?
im not in a relationship...
but when you care about people, and they say, they tried...
when i am just here too, waiting....
i am trying to understand too...
i am trying to work on it too....
i dont have the same capacity as before, and its more difficult for me.
i am rebuilding my life from scratch, and "you are still leading yours"
my personal life comes up because i am more vocal about it and its out there....
but what do i know about yours?
aside from the little information you say?
an office i never see?
friends i never meet?
a house i was never invited to?
i maybe clouded before, but i guess all i want now is not to be yanked around.
i say i love you because i mean it. I NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU
i am trying to make myself better because i want you to be proud of me.
but if you are giving up on me again...i dont have the energy to fight for us.
im sorry that my personal struggles has hindered for us to grow.
but i think you know what we both did. what we both lack.
and when the dark cloud parted, we can both understand.
i have just been yanked. hurt. kicked. punched.
and i need to be whole again.

but your words can really pull me down the drain.
i wrote your name on my skin too. but your name is the tattoo i never regret

i cant believe this still hurts

Thursday, June 10, 2010

the masturbation fantasy


one thing i learned. to be able to write with a proper flow, we must only write about things that we know.
and since i have been celibate for almost three months now( i know i know its pathetic) i am on hormone therapy, so I have as much urge as someone on chemo.( no offense)
so to put a little bit of spice on this blog, i will write about my masturbation fantasy.
well not a fantasy, its one of those sexual experience that change us....its so GOOD, it can keep us going, especially when we fake arousal with a mediocre partner.
mine is mr. stone.
my masturbation fantasy today. yesterday. and tomorrow.
i met mr stone in HONGKONG thru adultfriendfinder
it was an exciting weekend, and I am dressed in my beautiful ( uniform looking) zara button up red and white super mini dress, I was choosing between Mr Stone and some other guy. I always see to it that I have a choice, especially on weekends. We all have to be smart this day and age of dating.
I usually dont Go for younger men, because a lot of them have hang ups, and I just dont want to deal with baggages. Im a tranny, I have enough drama in my life.
But for some reason, I decided to meet mr stone....
And as I walked in Coyote(the mexican bar and resto) in lockhart road, I saw him.
Fuck he is hot.
Fleshy, toned, well dressed, piercing blue eyes like a siberian husky, wearing the tightest pair of jeans, showing off his round super tight BOTTOM. He is tall, and had enough product on his hair to cook a wok( thank you jane lynch)
Of course I didnt show my instant admiration, I know he seen me, and his jaw dropped...Just the way I like it. I only go with men who is attracted to me, everyone has an option to say NO.
But as I get to know this man, not only is he handsome, but such a charming intelligent man as well. I mentally erased my contingency plan and secretly declined my " reserve guy" thru sms hehe
He is an environmentalist, saving the orangutans in indonesia. oh how i wish to be in the jungle with him, and do nasty things in front of the wildlife. this probably sounds better in my head.
he is an american--and i usually hate american cockiness, but its rare that i can meet an american who is as liberated, as charming, and as well dressed as mr stone...
he also has this New Jersey accent which I though is sooo adorable.
i am horny as hell, and we have been making out like hormone crazed teen agers.
I was so tempted to take him home , but i decided that MR STONE needs to be shown.
He is an arm candy and I would love to walk around with him...the night is LONG
So I showed him off to my bestfriends... Portia, who has a thing for Bears instantly liked him. "stay away !!!!"
as shown in the photos, my two bestfriends cant keep their hands of my Mr STone.
then he surprised me again...
He can dance. a white guy who can dance? not only rare....but almost extinct.
he is so good looking and so metrosexual, he became sexually ambigous, and we were in GECKO, a popular gender friendly bar.
then i noticed all the gay guys and the trannies and the women started to gravitate on my GUY.
I got territorial and took him HOME.
Just as we entered his hotel room, we kissed each other so hard,we barely closed the door, i can feel his stubles just rubbing and making my face red. I am so aroused of his hunger for me...
he slammed me on a wall, and i can feel his hard body pressing me, and his erection just above my navel.
and suddenly,he ripped my dress, and threw me on the bed.
and before i knew it, he is on top of me, kissing me, licking me everywhere....
i was on a haze, drunk of vodka and my need for him to take me,
i can feel his hand going up my skirt and pulling my panties down, and the other, just grabbing my breast...HARD....
and as i moaned and arched my back in pure pleasure, he went down on me,
he is fully dressed and i kept on pulling up his shirt,
but he is just licking and sucking my cock,
i was almost screaming, he is licking my balls and my ass, then sucking my cock
and i kept on pulling back, I was so horny, I would come anytime

so with all my might...i pushed him back and ask him to strip for me...
and he did....
he has a smirk on his face and danced a little,
he did this little strip show,
i can still picture it in my head.
i was thinking..."damn, im a lucky girl"...
Not only is he good in bed, he is sooooo HOT....naked....
he pulled his shirt off, and his body is ripped and glistening, im almost fainting,
his pants is bulging with erection, and he came over,
he sort of read my mind, and knew that I want to be the one to open his pants,
like a gift with an exciting surprise,
so i pulled his zip open and i exposed a bulging a red cotton briefs....
and as i pulled it down, i exposed a throbbing long shaft,

his cock looks as he does....
LONG , thick, PINK, AMAZING--thanks samantha
and before I knew it, I was sucking it...it was one of those cocks that just tastes so good, you could suck it for hours....
and while i suck his 8 inch cock, he went down on me too....
a tangle of limbs, hungry mouths, erotic bodies
I cant remember the time, when I really enjoyed 69, but i enjoyed it this time. I enjoyed it so much, i just came in his mouth, and before i knew it, he was pumping his LOAD on mine.
It was so n sync---- i just know we are feeling the same way about each other
We both swallowed....and then kissed.
...then we cuddled, kissed and talked for hours, and came some more...
I usually love to fuck and Im so KINKY, to do something so simple and be so aroused, is very rare for me....
i think he is my masturbation fantasy, because I know that I can spend so much time with this guy, just kissing, and prolonging the urge it can GO on and ON....
and before i knew it, his roommate came....
it was a surprise....his roommate is a closeted gay man (SUPER SUPER HANDSOME) working as a pilot in the US armed forces( they were at the renaissance), i was thinking "ARE going to have a threesome..."
it was 4 am, and somehow i was weirded out....and suddenly i am thinking, are they together???
and thats another BLOG for another time....
also, MR stone, followed me to singapore.....

Hmmmn...i feel so free writing this...i will write so much more

If You CouLd Read My Mind Love

If You CouLd Read My Mind Love
What a tale my thoughts would tello